WHY PEOPLE-PLEASING IS UNHEALTHY
Did you know that narcissism and people-pleasing are childhood trauma responses?
Both the narcissist and the people-pleaser are unconscious about it and they developed this trait because they didn’t feel loved, felt abandoned or emotionally neglected by their care givers.
Both the narcissist and the people-pleaser want to control their environment because they don’t feel safe in the world.
People who display narcissistic or people-pleasing tendencies don’t genuinely care about other people. The narcissist aims to impress others and the people-pleaser wants people to be pleased with them.
They are looking at the world from their inward perspective, rather than being genuinely there for others.
But relationships are a two-way street. It takes accepting the other person for who they are, work through problems, and support each other. It takes a lot of give-and-take. It takes effort and commitment which narcissistic people don’t want to put in and people-pleasers are too afraid to rock the boat.
Narcissists are not capable of love because they only see themselves and their own needs. And people-pleasers abandon themselves to please others in order to feel loved.
Both narcissists and people-pleasers are deeply insecure and they don’t love themselves. Neither of them are truly happy.
You might be an Empath or a Highly Sensitive Person, but people-pleasing is a maladaptive behaviour developed in childhood due to trauma, just like narcissism.
The common denominator is that everyone is unconsciously looking for the love that they didn’t receive in childhood.
The key is to become self-aware, because even narcissists can become more self-aware, if they really want to heal.
With the support from a therapist or a coach, you can heal your people-pleasing tendencies. You can identify your own needs and become your own parent, give yourself the love and respect you didn’t receive as a child.
You can only improve yourself and your life from a place of self-love. You can’t develop yourself from a place of self-hate, you’re just going to stay stuck in those patterns.
And you will keep repeating them with one person after the other until you become self-aware, you accept that you might need help and you make an effort in making changes and heal those unhealthy patterns.
Due to childhood trauma you might have addictive behaviours towards food, alcohol or sugar, for example.
If you are emotional eating, you are trying to give yourself love through food or you numb your emotions with over eating, but it’s a vicious circle. You don’t like yourself and your body. You will probably go on a diet, to then self-sabotage and put all the weight back on, and more.
There is no quick fix. Healing takes time and a lot of work. It can be messy but it will be worth it in the end, because you will stop your self-sabotaging behaviours, you will lose weight and you will become the person you were meant to be.
You can’t heal by trying to cure the symptoms, you have to look at the root cause of the problem.
Why are you over eating? Why do you have to reach for that candy bar when you’re feeling sad? Why can’t you stick to an exercise plan?
Love yourself as you are now, with your extra weight, and accept yourself. Then from a place of compassion you can address the issues and change your habits into more positive ones. Exercise and eat healthy. Look after your body and then the weight will come off in a healthy way rather than punish your own body.
I am fitter now than I was in my 20s. And if I did it, you can do it too. Just book a free consultation with me now.